Sometimes it's hard to figure out what we really want. In fact it's impossible to determine what one's deepest, most profound desires are by any direct means. Desires are small and sneaky animals protected by complexes of defense mechanisms. True desires hide behind the masks of false desires, desires only indirectly expressed, indirectly desired. It takes a true professional of love to tell us what we really want. 

It is my true desire, Thom, to ascertain your true desires.  I want to know exactly what you really want. I didn't bother to ask you, because I knew any answers you could give me would at best be partial. I wanted to capture the truth in its rarest, most primal form. Little animals of desire burrowing into the deepest layers of your psyche, I want to cup their shivering little bodies in my hands and bring them into the light. So I've been watching you as you sleep. Even though your slumbers look very peaceful, I know that inside you are seething. After all everything of importance happens in our sleep, below our dreams. So I whisper things into your sleeping ear, possible desires transcribed into verbal form, and I watch. I observe you to see which ones give you an erection. I must admit I was surprised how well my methods worked, but one of your erections looks pretty much like another so I could not tell which of my whispered fantasies really really turned you on and which turned you on to a lesser degree. As it happened, almost everything I whisper into your ear does give you an erection. So what my system of desire-retrieval needed most was a ranking system. 

In the last couple of weeks my goal has been to cause you to have a nocturnal emission by whispering these increasingly elaborate scenarios of desire into your sleeping brain. I feel I'm getting closer to determining what it is you really want. I've decided to let you know what I am doing because lately you've begun to express your dissatisfaction at our relationship. Well now you know why I've been sleeping all day — I'm up all night plying your psyche for some sort of ultimate truth. And of course its best that, for the duration of this project anyway, physical intimacy be replaced by this psychic type of intimacy. But I feel confident that if you just hang on for another couple of weeks, things will be better than ever in the area of carnality. Soon I'll be able to let you know exactly what it is that you really want.

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