[Strange revery, sometimes speaking as Ivan Besse, sometimes as St. Paul, with reference to Frank O'Hara, hesitantly, talking always to stop the images, but only egging them on in this mostly eggless world of boys and cameras.]

 

 

My Rectum is Not a Grave

(To a Film Industry in Crisis)

 

 

 

 

Because we were children, we thought we could hide anywhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to photograph small things. I wanted to photograph small things, but I did not have the equipment, the special lenses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A skin of skin, a cushion of fat, a bundle of nerves, all shot through with snot and lymph. The children want to go and live in the swamp. They feel a kind of primordial pull to return to the swamp and we have to use various tricks to keep them pinned here, to keep them human.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was not at all spiritual, but I was very religious. That was why I opened my own movie theatre, and made my own movies, my own little movies of my own little town, so I could show them inside what they would have to step outside to see.

 

 

 

I do not know what I am doing. I do not do what I want, but what I hate; that is what I do. Now, if I do what I do not want, the law is good. So, it is no longer I who do this, but the sin that lives in me. Nothing good lives in me, that is, lives in my flesh. It is in my power to want the good, but not to do the good. I do not do the good that I want, but the bad that I do not want. That is what I do. But if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin that lives in me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Removing the rafters one by one, till the owls have no place to roost.

 

 

 

 

If Jesus had a Bolex it is not clear if he would have turned it on himself or others — little children, sheep, sparrows.